How To De-Escalate A Fight With Your Partner And Why You Should

We are discussing the best tips for keeping a fight from escalating, how to de-escalate a fight with your partner when it happens, and why it is crucial. 

Arguments are a normal and unavoidable part of any healthy and unhealthy relationship. However, how you argue will define it, and just because fighting can be common doesn’t mean it is inevitable.

If you’re like me, your goal is to have a peaceful, but exciting relationship, and if you keep fighting in nasty ways, there will be no peace. So, therefore, you want to avoid constant fighting in a relationship. 

You must learn how to turn these arguments into positives that will help you improve personally and strengthen your relationship. Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs; however, you can make those downs easier. Let’s get into how. 

What is arguing, and why do fights escalate?

According to YourDictionary, arguing is “having a fight or disagreement with someone. An example of arguing is when you and your spouse fight over who has to walk the dog.”

Most people argue about banal stuff in their lives, like who took the trash or why the socks are on the floor, but we can’t let things like that define our relationships. That stuff is not important enough to ruin a good thing.

So, why do fights escalate? We often get into arguments because, well, we are human. Many internal and external pressures keep stress levels high throughout our daily lives, and it’s challenging to handle.

We let our emotions take over in the heat of the moment, and then we do something we wouldn’t otherwise do.

Why you should avoid fighting with your partner

As we already mentioned, fights and arguments are normal in every relationship, but constantly fighting with your partner is stressful and unhealthy. Also, we don’t make the same sound decisions when we are worked up and burning out.


It then leads to toxic and harmful behavior that breaks the relationship if two people don’t react on time. If that’s what you want, then do it like a man. If not, find a way to work it out and use your time better than fighting about irrelevant stuff.

Don’t let small things throw a shadow over the most important ones – your relationship and well-being.

So, this is why we have prepared five tips men can use to prevent disagreements and arguments with their partners from turning into a full-blown fight. Here it goes.

Tips on how to de-escalate a fight with your partner

Although the best way is to avoid arguments altogether, fights sometimes happen to all of us. So next time they do, we want you to be ready. Here are five ways you can approach disagreements and arguments and keep them from turning into a fight with your partner:

  1. Listen – hear what your partner has to say, listen to their concerns, and only then can you figure out the best way to move forward. Active listening is the first step to improving communication skills and understanding your partner.
  2. Understand – be compassionate and ask yourself why your partner is feeling that way or saying things they are. Where is it coming from, is it your fault, and is there a way for you to fix it? Or do they need to vent and release all the negative energy? 
  3. Take a deep breath – it’s essential to pause and ensure not to speak before you think; don’t say something hurtful you will regret later, and show understanding.
  4. Communicate – it’s not about who is right and who is wrong, but finding a way that’s a win-win situation for both of you. So, communicate your thoughts and concerns calmly and healthily, and be open about your feelings. 
  5. Give each other space – sometimes, with a lot of tension and negative energy in the air, it’s best to let the moment pass and continue talking when you have calmed down. It’s also an opportunity to get in touch with your emotions.

There is no exact outline for using these tips, and this doesn’t work like a user manual, but it can help guide you in the right direction.

How can you use these tips to de-escalate a fight

Each of these de-escalation tips has one main goal: to calm the situation and not escalate it any further. The easiest way for it to go wrong is to be petty, raise your tone, or invalidate your partner’s words and feelings. 

Follow these tips, and if you are calm and composed, your partner will mirror your behavior sooner rather than later. 

Again, it is essential to keep a fight from escalating. Then, the argument won’t be an argument anymore but will turn into a healthy conversation between two adults. 

An illustration cloud of two prehistoric people grilling a fish and making fire in the cave, after de-escalating a fight.
Credits: Swanky Fella

Work through your problems and avoid constant fighting in your relationship – it’s the only way to a bright future. 


How to approach your partner

First, you must assess the situation and choose the most suitable approach. After all, it’s you who knows your partner the best. It’s all about being patient and exercising self-control.

For example, if you see your partner losing their mind, yelling, screaming, and kicking, the best approach is for you to calm down completely. You want to avoid adding oil to the fire. 

If they need to vent, they want you to listen, not help. We all want to be heard, so let them finish and actively listen to them. And if you see it going nowhere, suggest taking a break to calm down. 

In contrast, if your partner feels down and shows dissatisfaction but avoids talking about it, the right way is for you to communicate more. First, read your partner and then decide on the best way to approach.

Read more: 10 Best Outdoor Hobbies For Couples

Are these tips 100% to de-escalate a fight with your partner?

Whether these tips help you avoid a bloodbath depends on you and your partner’s characters, issues you’re having, and past experiences. There is no guarantee that these will work and that you will have a perfect relationship. 

No two people or two relationships are the same, and what works for me may or may not work for you. So try these tips by trial and error and see what works; that’s the only way to know. Additionally, you can use supplements to boost your mood and calm down.

If these basics are not helping and there is constant fighting in the relationship, the best course is to seek professional help, such as couples counseling.

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Now that you know why fights escalate, how to keep a conflict from escalating, and how to de-escalate a fight with your partner, nothing stops you from avoiding them. They are not worth it and can bring your energy levels to zero.

Put everything into practice, and you should see good results soon and possibly instantaneously. However, be gentle on yourself if you don’t succeed right away – the road to being better is neither easy nor short. A good idea is to start writing a journal to track your progress.

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